Man Arrested For Having Sex With Mattress
[su_right_ad]The mattress was in the parking lot of a retirement home, and the man was homeless.
A PSNI sergeant told a special sitting of the Magistrate’s Court in Derry that he found the convicted sex offender, naked from the waist down, watching porn on a handheld DVD player and having simulated sex with a mattress in the car park of an old peoples’ home in the city in the early hours of Saturday.
Martin Gregory Coll, 52, of no fixed abode, appeared in court charged with two offences linked to the alleged incident.
He is charged with committing indecent behaviour in the car park at Lavery Fold Old Peoples’ Home at Asylum Road. The defendant is further charged with “committing an act of lewd, obscene and disgusting nature and of outraging public decency by watching pornography in a public place and with having simulated sex with a mattress while naked”.
Well, of course he was naked! How are you going to have sex with a mattress with your clothes on?[su_sky_ad]
Anomaly 100 August 26th, 2014 at 7:17 pm
Mattresses need love too.
tiredoftea August 26th, 2014 at 7:31 pm
No mention of a mattress cover, so I’m assuming it was unprotected sex.
mea_mark August 26th, 2014 at 7:36 pm
I hope we don’t end up with baby mattresses running around that look like SpongeBob.
tiredoftea August 26th, 2014 at 7:41 pm
It could happen.
Larry Schmitt August 26th, 2014 at 9:47 pm
You mean pillows.
mmaynard119 August 27th, 2014 at 10:31 am
You mean tiredoftea? His nickname is SpongeBob?
mmaynard119 August 26th, 2014 at 9:54 pm
T2 – 10 points for that one!
Tommy6860 August 26th, 2014 at 7:34 pm
But how do you tell if it was missionary or doggy style, does the matress tag orientation dictate that? 😛
Anomaly 100 August 26th, 2014 at 7:41 pm
Depends on the folds in the mattress. They were ‘born that way’.
granpa.usthai August 26th, 2014 at 9:27 pm
OMG! that’s very true. I just merely assumed the mattress was female. What if it was a male mattress lying on it’s tummy?
Anomaly 100 August 26th, 2014 at 9:40 pm
You’re probably bisexual and didn’t know it:-)
granpa.usthai August 26th, 2014 at 9:25 pm
WTF, Anomaly. If someone or any other man made object associated with SEX had shown him the least bit of attention, he may not have turned out to be a mattress raper – does explain why a medical decision was made not to put him in a padded cell though.
Anomaly 100 August 26th, 2014 at 9:41 pm
Thank Gawd he didn’t rape my mattress. No one messed with my bed!
mmaynard119 August 26th, 2014 at 9:58 pm
You have Congen for that.
raincheck August 27th, 2014 at 9:03 am
The “mattress” wasn’t covered by any sheets or blankets… it was asking for it!
neworleans878 August 26th, 2014 at 7:18 pm
He only had sex with the mattress? For a minute there, I was afraid he’d torn the tag off it!
Anomaly 100 August 26th, 2014 at 7:23 pm
That…..BASTARD!
granpa.usthai August 26th, 2014 at 9:20 pm
only the owner is allowed to remove the tag. If he found it, and no republican comes along to claim it was stolen from them, I doubt the PD will be allowed to shoot him 6 or more times.
raincheck August 27th, 2014 at 8:58 am
lol
Denise August 26th, 2014 at 7:35 pm
I needed a good laugh, and I got it.
crc3 August 26th, 2014 at 7:36 pm
Was it a Serta or Sealy?
mea_mark August 26th, 2014 at 7:42 pm
It was a Seeyalater, have fun in jail, sucker.
RK Johnston August 26th, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Good one!
–RKJ
granpa.usthai August 26th, 2014 at 9:17 pm
had to be a Serta. Who in a semi-Palin daze would even consider a Sealy?
Larry Schmitt August 26th, 2014 at 9:50 pm
It was a Simmons Beautyrest. That’s what attracted him.
ChrisVosburg August 26th, 2014 at 8:18 pm
If memory serves, Ireland is the country where the phrase “he’d screw a rip in a fur coat” originated (to derogate someone indiscriminate about sex). Apparently a rip in a mattress as well.
granpa.usthai August 26th, 2014 at 9:15 pm
a whole new definition of ‘going to the mattresses’ – I think?
mmaynard119 August 26th, 2014 at 9:57 pm
It was probably a Sleep Comfort bed, so he had the settings to his liking and one thing led to another………… Hey, he spent more time on top of it than Richard Burton spent on top of Elizabeth Taylor.
tiredoftea August 26th, 2014 at 11:21 pm
He might have confused it with an oversize duvet and pulled it on top of him.
mmaynard119 August 27th, 2014 at 10:30 am
That’s not something I would ever conceive of doing, but obviously, you have T2. How was the experience?
tiredoftea August 27th, 2014 at 11:23 am
Comforting
fahvel August 27th, 2014 at 3:29 am
other than shooting unarmed people and gun instructors and denying rights to women minorities and so on, there is nothing more reprehensible than sex especially when it’s done with a “hand held”. Sexin any form is so much more disgusting and degrading than simple or accidental homicide or even bombing civilians – yucky sticky…..
raincheck August 27th, 2014 at 9:04 am
Beauty Rest and the beast..
R.J. Carter August 27th, 2014 at 11:27 am
What’s the statute of limitations on something like that?
Elliot J. Stamler August 27th, 2014 at 11:05 pm
Horrible horrible choice for man: sex with mattress OR sex with Ann Coulter? (Yes I know there is a serious question about whether sex with Ann Coulter is heterosexually possible.}